If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
