margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
