to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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