fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
