not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
birth control should be required to get into college
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
