I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i will never coherently bang her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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