on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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