Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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