so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
