I heard we made out
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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