I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
