Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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