You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
