I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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