I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
