you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
