she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
