Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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