she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
