so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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