it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
