My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
