We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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