:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
