I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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