What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
