guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
