i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
