I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
