I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You can't special order awesome
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
