I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
