You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
