did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
