Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
