I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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