My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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