Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
