my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
