I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
