grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
