Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
