overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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