fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Operation Purity has been aborted
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
