I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
