i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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