Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
