I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
