some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
