he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
