Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
