Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
