90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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